So, I am awakened at night from a small voice, saying, "Lew?" It is Grandma, once again trying to connect with Grandpa, who entered his eternity almost 3 years ago. She is afraid; afraid that she won't join him in Heaven, afraid that she is too "bad to be saved." This from a woman who has claimed Jesus as her Lord since she was 17; she is now 94. What a problem.
Suddenly, I hear my own voice speaking the words that God has been speaking to me since my fall from the ranks of the employable. "It is not about you. It is about God, about what Jesus has done for you. You cannot be good enough to pass or bad enough to fail. All you can be is saved or not, and that is by your choosing, your acceptance of what has been offered to you. You accepted that offer long ago." I remember trying to balance the ticket in a sort of Christian bargaining, when I felt that I was totally unworthy. Yes, I knew I was saved and never doubted it, but somehow, I felt I had to make up for all the mess I made of things in the process of living. So I am telling this lovely woman who was married for 75 years and raised 8 children in a Christian household, who suffered unspeakable losses of 4 babies and 3 of those raised children, that she needs to go back to the beginning and claim the beginning promises. Who am I to tell her this? She has dementia, functional brain loss, which I believe is a perfect environment for torment. I tell her she is being tormented and that she needs to refuse the tormentor. Basic, really basic.
And basic it is. As I am saying all of these things, I remember for myself that it really is just that simple. Jesus died in our sins. He rose from the dead, overcoming sin and death. He was then with his disciples until He ascended to Heaven. In Andrew Murray's study, renamed The Indwelling Spirit by Bethany House Publishers in 2006, he points out that Jesus then was glorified in Heaven and sent His promised Holy Spirit to his followers to maintain his communication with them. When I started belonging to Jesus, my spirit was first reconditioned, as a new spirit, to be fitted for His Essence, His Spirit, to dwell in me. The rest is up to me, on a daily or hourly basis, with the choice to allow the Jesus to work through me or not. I can take center stage or I can move my ego over and let God move the way He wants to. I can stand aside and watch life go by, or I can speak words of life to the widow who no longer has control of her confused mind, but who has a lifetime of remembered scriptures and songs and prayers that I can lead her in. I can help her remember the words that she needs, if only for a few minutes, to rise above her torment and find, once again, that Jesus is still with her, even though her wonderful husband is not. I can sleep, or I can act.
This book, The Indwelling Spirit, has revolutionized my Christian experience. I think I am really learning to follow Jesus. Perfectly? No, I don't think so. Willingly? Yes. With purpose? Yes. Living a fuller experience? Yes. I see everything differently, from the focus truly not being on me or what I can "accomplish for the Lord," but on what the Lord Jesus Christ can accomplish through me. (...and, by the way, I don't have to be in control of where it goes -- I just have to be willing to be taken where it is going.)
This is what I want my blog to be about. This is what I've tried to put together and have thought and pondered how to start it and have tried to find the right words for. Then, last night, I am awakened from a small voice calling, "Lew?" So, it begins. This is my beginning, from ministering words to a frail, dying, helpless lady in the night. Helping her fight her torment and speaking basic Jesus to her. Welcome to my blog. I hope that when you read here, you understand more about Jesus. I am sure that you will be reading from the position of my frailty and my weakness, because that is where God always shows Himself the strongest. If I don't post frequently, that is my weakness. I do get back to everything eventually.
